OUR LOCAL NEWS
Foie gras export is not allowed
As it is generally known in our country, our foie gras is very special because of the special ingredients that our god the grey goose has given us. Through the years, the word has spread around the world and other countries were very eager to try our products of the Grey Goose. The orders of our foie gras came in like sweet cakes. This led to addiction among other inhabitants of the other countries, as the ingredients released a form of long-lasting serotonin in the body and mind. The people of other countries experience this as a feeling they got when using the well-known happy drug: XTC. At the beginning, the many orders for our product initially seemed very good for our economy, but soon turned out to be a problem for our production of geese
The demand is far greater than supply
With the holiday season approaching and more and more countries wanting to order more, it is difficult to keep up with the production of geese. It is also important to ensure that the geese are not threatened with extinction. And at the rate we are producing now, it will take less than two months for our geese to die out completely.
Therefore, we have decided not to allow any export to other countries. From now on we will only supply our own people with our foie gras. This means that it is strictly forbidden to trade our foie gras with other countries. If you get caught distributing foie gras, you will be punished with being sentenced to death.
We will continue to keep everyone informed of the situation of our geese through our platform at www.karlsberg.gg .
Free healthcare for everyone?
For a while the proposition for healthcare that is accessible for everything has been on the table, but it has been dismissed a few times too many. This time it’s on the table with different research and different interpretations. What is different this time?
Is radiation damaging?
The largest sector where people are employed is the nuclear sector. It has long been claimed that radiation is highly harmful, upon which the government has done major research. They do not deny that there can be some harm, though in that sector the risks are not higher than in other sectors. The government, however, wants to show its good heart and is providing iodine pills for everyone in that sector, as well as for their families. Those pills protect against all the risks of radiation. In this way, the government feels that they are already providing free health care for that sector.
What for those who aren’t in the nuclear sector?
And how is the government going to take care of everyone else? Well, the iodine pills discussed earlier are also free for other residents who want to protect themselves. They just have to go to the pharmacy to get the pills. Everyone is equal, so everyone has access to these pills. Thus, they too will be protected from the radiation, although it is not as harmful as critics claim.
Other health problems
With other health problems, there are different rules. For example, every resident of Karlsbergh receives a free full examination every 15 years. This way cancers will be detected faster, if more scans are done in those 15 years a part is also reimbursed.
In case of problems regarding pregnancy the same rules apply as always, that is completely free if it is pregnancy-promoting and mother-caring. Other pregnancy problems are at your own expense unless otherwise requested through a form to the minister.
Concluding, the government takes care of us, and everyone is equal.
Gooster EGGstravaGANZa
A special edition
As per annual tradition, we celebrated Gooster, in honor of the revival of the ancient Grey Goose. This year’s edition took place in our capital city Duvel. The ministers of Karslbergh launched a special version of the golden egg hunt, meaning the winner did not only receive the golden egg from our ancient deity but is also granted one additional wish by our government. Last but not least, he gets a limited edition copy of ‘untitled goose game’, which is a highly wanted prize across the whole country.
The city of Duvel was completely transformed to fully suit the Gooster festive spirit. Golden chocolate eggs were scattered all over the city for the children to find, free grey goose foie gras appetizers, a goose-mask march and other activities were organized to entertain the citizens of every age.
Eggciting hunt
As expected, thousands of our beloved citizens participated in the golden egg hunt. After an extensive search of twelve hours, Sergei Trojkavna (32) emerged as the winner. His performance is record-setting since the average egg hunt takes approximately fourteen hours to complete. Sergei is granted custody of the golden egg, which contains the essence of the ancient grey goose. This precious artefact has protective qualities like protecting the owner’s family from radiation and harm. Furthermore, it grants the family extensive wealth in the coming year.
Sergei commented that, by winning the Gooster competition, he is able to provide a better future for his children. He also shared his wish, stating that he wants the government to invest in the future of his four children: Igor, Sabrina, Zoya and Youri. The government will however only grant this wish if Sergei’s family reaches the threshold of 6 children. The winner claims that he is persistently trying with his wife to fulfill his duty in society.
Next year’s edition will take place in Omer, where a new winner will be able to get a hold of the ancient golden egg.
Duvel man catches enormous 12-foot size alligator from the Maes
The dreaded Duvel man, is known for his crazy stories that he commits in the city of sins, Duvel.
The capture happened Monday morning on the 19th of October on the Maes River, that steams through Duvel. The Duvel man was hoping to catch an 8- foot alligator, so that it would be enough meat for a barbecue, he said. Instead, he got much more than he bargained for.
Duvel man said: “I knew when i got a hook in him when i was like, ‘OK, he’s pretty big.’ But then I saw this giant foot and this giant tail come up next tot he boat, i was like, ‘OK, he’s REALLY big,’
A two-hour “battle” ensued, bit in the end, as usual, the Duvel man won.
“It was definitely a different kind of battle,” Duvel man continued. “It’ll get your heart going. I think the small boat really enhanced that feeling. But it was fun. And I would certainly do it again if I had to.
As every resident of Karlsbergh knows, it is actually forbidden to hunt protected species, such as exotic animals, alligators, geese,...
Therefore, this would normally be punished very severely in Karlsbergh and you would immediately receive the death sentence.
But because this happened in Duvel, and this is the city where all crime can and may take place, the country has nothing to say about the crime committed by the Duvel man.
The stories of Duvel man in Duvel, will certainly be continued...
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Stress puts slight halt on bombastic babyboom
Several citizens have been struggling to reach the quota of six children per given family. We implemented this measure to combat our declining population growth, due to ‘unknown reasons’. Several reports showed that more than half of the male population feels pressured to perform. This stress is detrimental to the process which we want to avoid at all costs.
Therefore, the government of Karlsbergh got into conversation with the leaders of Medicasco, hoping to come up with a medical solution that can facilitate the process for our male part of the population. This is beneficial both for the country as well as the citizen itself, since reaching the quota grants them financial benefits granted from the government.
If Medicasco agrees to help us out, they will be in our grace, and we shall grant them supplementary energy and resources that could possibly help them out in their research.
In the coming future, all women are to undergo a fertility test. By doing so, we can rule out the possibility of it also being a problem amongst females. However, further research is still needed to find the scientific cause. It could also be a psychological cause, but we believe that would be highly unlikely given the happiness of our citizens.
It remains unclear when a solution will arise and when it will be available in pharmacies across Karlsbergh.
Harry Stalin’s new love interest is… The Queen?
Harry Stalin is a musical jack-of-all-trades, a singer-songwriter, singer, and actor. He won a gold record with his song "Cherry", which he wrote especially for Cherrypopping. What also made the man interesting was that he was one of Karlsbergh's most desired bachelors. What turns out to be the case? That may have changed with none other than the Queen herself.
As is her monthly custom, Queen Phebe went to the royal ballet at the Cristal ballet hall on the 28th. In her royal balcony, not only was the Queen spotted, but also the 27-year-old pop star. A thank you for playing on Cherrypopping, do you think? We think differently... On the royal balcony, only private appointments with very close friends or business appointments with the Pope or the head of the army are tolerated. It was certainly a private meeting, which indicates that they had been dating for some time.
Meanwhile, it is not the first time they have been spotted together. In fact, it has happened before, but this time it was different. The couple was more intimate than usual, even sharing a farewell kiss as the ballet came to an end. Will we hear more of this or was this a one-time event?
